


Talan Is

by lillyluna



Category: Sports RPF, Swimming RPF
Genre: All it is is Talan, Angst, Fluff, Kid Fic, Like really this is just kidfic., M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-25
Updated: 2013-10-25
Packaged: 2017-12-30 11:26:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1018058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lillyluna/pseuds/lillyluna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blurbs from Talan's life. His version of Oliver Is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Talan Is

**Author's Note:**

> I felt awful that people kept reading the two half finished Talan stories I have up on here so I wrote this to fill in the blanks. I sincerely want to thank every single person who reached out to me before and after I posted Proud. All your comments and messages were so caring and wonderful and it really, really, really meant a lot. Thank you so so so much.
> 
> If you don't like this don't read it. Thank you. Anonymous comments are disabled because I don't tolerate bullies.

**Talan is born two weeks late**

 

Ryan isn’t the same after his father passes away. Most days he doesn’t wake up for practice and some days he doesn’t leave the house. He drives to the speed club and helps Kristin and Devon coach the kids. He does what he remembers his dad doing.

 

This goes on for a month before he tells Michael that he’s retiring before Rio.

 

Michael reaches out to Devon for help but Devon’s having a hard enough time dealing with things on his own. Michael understands when Devon’s girlfriend calls their house in the middle of the night asking for Ryan’s help with Devon.  

 

Their lives are busy; Oliver is about to turn two and is a menace. He runs through their house at full speed leaving a trail of destruction in his path. He notices that Ryan’s sad though and brings him his favourite toys to cheer him up. More than once, Michael watches Oliver climb up on Ryan’s lap to pet his face. Oliver is too little to understand what’s going on but he understands that Ryan’s hurting. Michael cancels clinics and appearances to be home. Ryan’s coach begs him to talk to Ryan but short of kidnapping him and pushing him into a pool there’s nothing he can do. When Ryan’s coach green lights the plan, Michael just shakes his head and hangs up; he’s afraid Ryan won’t even bother swimming and that they’ll just watch him sink.

 

It takes Michael another two weeks to convince Ryan to go to practice. Once Ryan is back to his regular training schedule he begins getting back to normal.

 

Right before Oliver’s second birthday Ashley, their surrogate, writes them a letter and sends it to them through their attorney. She tells them that she’s planning on starting her own family but that she is willing to carry another child for them.  

 

They find out that she’s pregnant in January and the news seems to heal Ryan. The first ultrasound is the first time Michael hears him laugh in months.  The due date is Halloween and as they leave the doctor’s office Ryan jokes that maybe they could take this baby home dressed as a shark or a pirate. 

 

Before her first trimester is over Ashley is admitted to the hospital. She’s in Baltimore and they’re in Florida. Michael gets the call while Ryan is at practice and he has no idea how to tell him. Michael waits for another phone call while he feeds Oliver breakfast and while he takes Oliver to his baby gymnastics class. Finally, right before Ryan gets home the doctor calls to tell them that everything is okay.

 

It’s a rough pregnancy and being so far away is tough on both of them. Ryan can’t leave to train somewhere else this close to the games and Michael doesn’t feel comfortable leaving him alone in Florida.

 

They decide to keep the baby a secret. In June Devon calls Ryan to announce that his girlfriend and him are expecting. Once Devon admits that  Ryan is the first person to know, that he’s in his car driving back from the doctor’s appointment but couldn’t wait until he got to their house, Ryan tells him the truth. Devon shows up five minutes later and they spend the next few hours talking about how awesome it’s going to be to raise kids together.

 

They tell the rest of their family right before Rio, when everyone is together to cheer for Ryan. At this point they know they’re having another boy and Oliver knows he’s going to be a big brother. They know they’ll be living in Baltimore through Thanksgiving but be back in Florida for Christmas and Oliver’s third birthday.

 

Rio goes by without any problems and they fly back home the night after Ryan’s last race. Ryan is exhausted, having lived most of the last few months on pure adrenaline. He doesn’t do a press tour.

 

They decide, on the jet flying back from Brazil, that they’re going to be prepared. That this time they won’t get caught five weeks early with a crib that still hasn’t been put together and no diapers waiting for them at home.

 

They set up a new nursery in their home in Florida because Oliver is still sleeping in his and they both feel bad asking him to switch rooms. They paint the walls blue and Ryan who still has trouble sleeping spends a few nights drawing on one of the walls until it’s covered in waves, strange birds and starfish. He shrugs at it once it’s done and tells Michael they can paint over it if he thinks it’s dumb.

 

“If the baby doesn’t like… like it you know.” Ryan had said, “Maybe he hates the beach.”

 

They read books about babies to Oliver and talk to him endlessly about the importance of being a big brother. It’s a job, Ryan stresses over and over again, that is probably the most important thing Oliver’s ever going to do. Michael is skeptical about putting that much responsibility on a kid who’s just learning to put his own pants on but he lets Ryan go with it.

 

They move back to Baltimore in the middle of October. Michael’s house is getting small for the three (almost four) of them and there are a lot of stairs that definitely aren’t safe for a toddler who’s committed to doing things on his own. They put the crib in the last guest bedroom and stock up on formula and diapers. They make sure there’s someone on-call to take care of Oliver and then they wait.

 

They both hate waiting and this baby has to be pulling the greatest prank of all times because his due date comes and goes and he stays put. Oliver trick or treats with his iron man costume over his snowsuit because Ryan is afraid of him being too cold outside.

 

After the first week goes by, Michael starts to think that maybe this baby who would rather chill out and flip around than be born is Ryan’s.  

 

*

 

It is 3 am on Thanksgiving Day and the streets are empty. It’s cold and snowing. The snow won’t stick to the ground for another month and Michael comforts Ryan by saying that it’ll all probably be gone by morning. That once they’re holding their baby, the snow will have melted.

 

Michael doesn’t bother dressing Oliver in a coat or boots. He grabs Oliver’s comforter along with his security blanket before carrying him out to the car.

 

Oliver complains when Michael straps him into his car seat but he doesn’t wake up. Michael brushes some snowflakes off his hair before covering the car seat with the comforter. As he walks to the passenger seat he realizes that he’s bringing Oliver over to his mom’s house in just pajamas in the middle of November. He forgot to pack shoes, clothes, mittens and a coat. Michael suddenly doesn’t feel ready for a second child.

 

  “Why our kids always gotta be born in storms?” Ryan complains quietly. He turns the heat on all the way and they’re both blasted by freezing cold air. “Why can’t it ever be like summer?”

 

Michael decides not to make fun of Ryan for calling a few scattered flakes a snowstorm. He rests his hand on Ryan’s thigh as Ryan starts to drive.  He watches Ryan’s knuckles whiten from gripping the steering wheel and suddenly wishes he’d taken the keys first instead of going for Oliver. He knows Ryan wouldn’t have forgotten Oliver’s coat. 

 

“You’re fine.” Michael reassures, “I can drive.”

 

“I’m already driving.” Ryan shakes his head, “Did we change the tires on this?”

 

“They’re all season.” Michael answers, “We can switch once we drop him off.”

 

“You wanna switch the tires now?”

 

“Not the tires Ry.” Michael checks his phone for what feels like the hundredth time since the first phone call, “I’ll drive. Turn here it’s faster.”

 

 “Thanks.” Ryan takes his eyes off the road for a second to glance back and check on Oliver. “He’s gonna flip when he wakes up here and not home.”

 

 “We’ll call him.” Michael says. He reaches back to pull the comforter off Oliver’s face, “By the time he wakes up the baby will be here.”

 

Ryan misses the turn off to Debbie’s house and has to loop around one-way streets for what feels like an eternity to get back.

 

 “Did Ashley say he was okay? Like she’s okay?” Ryan asks at a stop sign. He drums his fingers on the steering wheel waiting for an answer.

 

“Her water broke.” Michael recalls, “We can be there when he’s delivered… His heartbeat’s good and he’s head first so everything’s good.”

 

“Yeah?” Ryan pulls into the driveway and reaches back to unbuckle Oliver from his car seat before he turns off the engine or undoes his own seat belt.

 

“Yeah.” Michael reassures. He watches Ryan struggle to lift the last strap over Oliver’s shoulders “Ry. Get out of your seat to do that how are you going to pick him up? I got this. Switch seats. I’ll drive.”

 

Michael picks up Oliver, stars and stripes security blanket and all, and carries him up the steps, into the house and into his old bedroom. Oliver never wakes up.

 

“You’ll call?” Debbie asks, putting one of her hands on the side of Michael’s face as he walks out the door, “Let us know he’s okay? Send a picture.”

 

“We’ll call.” Michael kisses her cheek.

 

“We’ll bring Oliver over.” She tells him, “Does he know?”

 

“No he hasn’t woken up. We’ll call him. Check to make sure he’s not falling out of bed?”

 

“He’s going to be fine.” Debbie pats his face again, “Tell Ryan we love him. Drive safe.”

 

*

 

They sit in the waiting room until the snow is melted. They make sure all the legal papers are signed and call Oliver once he’s awake to tell him the baby is on his way.

 

The delivery turns into a C-section shortly before dinner. Only one of them can be in the operating room during the procedure and Ryan tells Michael to go.

 

Talan is born thirty seconds after Michael walks into the OR. He’s told to stand against the wall and he doesn’t see much but he definitely hears the first cry. A nurse holds the baby in a green surgical sheet and carries him into the next room. Michael doesn’t know if he’s allowed to follow but he does anyways.

 

The blood doesn’t bother him. What bothers him is that his baby is crying while four people busy themselves cleaning him, listening to his heart and smearing gunk over his eyes. It bothers him that no one’s taking a second to tell his baby that it’s okay.

 

“Twelve pounds!” The nurse calls out as she continues cleaning Talan.

 

Michael doesn’t want to blink. He walks closer to the warming table and sees flailing limbs. This kid is clearly displeased about where he is and kicking hard to show it. The nurse starts to make soothing noises as she cleans him and looks him over.

 

“It’s a boy right?” Michael asks because he hasn’t gotten a good look at the baby yet, just flashes of trashing legs and reaching hands.  

 

 

“Yes! With a good cry.” She puts a blanket over the baby before reaching for something else, “Bigger babies sometimes have a harder time keeping their temperature up, we’re just going to keep him warm.”

 

“How’s his breathing?” Michael wasn’t there for this part with Oliver but he remembers how scared Ryan had looked when he’d recounted Oliver being taken to the NICU.

 

“His breathing’s good and his heart beat is good. They got him out fast. We’re going to check again in just a bit but for now he’s doing perfect. This is just a Vitamin K injection it helps his blood-” She turns her attention back to the baby, “Oh I know you’re not used to all this room. You’re mad at me it’s okay.”

 

“Can I touch him?” Michael has both hands on the edge of the warming table.

 

“Of course.”

 

It’s all Michael needs to hear. He strokes one finger over the baby’s fist a few times before the baby grabs it.

 

“You’re strong.” It’s the first thing that comes to his mind because he remembers how tiny and breakable Oliver had felt. Michael’s other hand brushes against the baby’s head and for the first time he notices the tufts of blonde hair. When the baby blinks up at him Michael sees wide blue eyes that crinkle as he lets out another cry.

 

“Happy birthday Pal.” Michael tucks the baby blanket around him, “I can’t wait to show you to your dad. There’s so many people waiting to meet you.”

 

Michael puts his hand over the blanket on the baby’s chest to feel his heart beating. The baby calms down but keeps moving all his little limbs, he blinks at his surroundings. Michael is mesmerized. He wipes tears off his face with the sleeve of the surgical gown and brushes the pads of his fingers against the white blonde hair on the baby’s head.

 

“You can go bring this one to meet his dad before we take him to the nursery for a bath. I’m just going to take his footprints, oh honey it’s okay.” She soothes, “Are things moving too fast for you?”

 

“He likes taking his time.” Michael jokes. He lets the baby suck on his finger, “He seems really strong.”  

 

“He’s bigger than the turkey I’m cooking for my family.” The nurse laughs as she puts a tiny hat over the baby’s head before swaddling him in a white and blue striped baby blanket. “He’s wide awake for you dad. What’s his name?”

 

“Talan.” Michael answers because it’s been decided for months, “Phelps-Lochte”

 

“Well your Talan has more blonde hair than any baby I’ve ever seen.” She tugs on the blanket to make sure it’s not too tight around Talan. “I just want to make sure he’s not cold.  He didn’t have a lot of room left in there so he’s used to being all tucked in. Here Dad!” She picks up Talan and holds him out, “You want to put one of your hands-”

 

"I got him.” Michael takes Talan from her, “I have another one of these we're good thanks. Can I go show him to his dad?"

 

“Let me put an ID bracelet on you.” She waits until he shifts Talan to just one arm before fastening it on him, “Your partner’s going to get his in the nursery, don’t forget. Don’t walk out with him or the alarm will go off and the doors will lock, it’s a nightmare. Follow me.”

 

Once Michael starts walking, Talan frowns at him and Michael laughs.

 

“Tough day?” Michael tugs the blanket lower on Tal’s face. He stops in the hallway and runs one of his fingers over Talan’s cheek. “You’ve been kind of a punk.”

 

Talan looks at him with wide blue eyes, he smacks his lips and looks seriously bewildered about where he is.

 

“I know.” Michael tells him, “But you wouldn’t come out.”

 

Talan doesn’t seem to care about his reasons. He frowns at him again.

 

“You look like your dad.” Michael doesn’t mean to say it but the blue eyes and the lips are too Ryan to ignore. “You look so much like your dad.”

 

*

 

Michael cries the first time Ryan sees Talan.  

 

 “Oh dude.” Ryan laughs in relief when he sees them coming down the hall. He walks up to Michael before Michael gets in the room. “He’s okay.”  

 

Ryan puts his hand against the baby and kisses Michael. He laughs again when he pulls away and wipes Michael’s tears with his sleeve.

 

“Two kids,” Ryan grins. He gazes down to look at Talan, “He’s all good?”

 

“He was fine once they got him out.” Michael shifts Talan so Ryan can see him better. “He’s like super wide awake and staring at everything… Hold him Ry.”

 

“Hey Baby.” Ryan takes him from Michael, “Look at you all awake… we’ve been waiting for you. You took your time, I get that.”

 

Holding Talan is the first time in a year that Ryan feels like he can breathe. He lets out a breath before kissing the baby’s forehead and reaching over to kiss Michael again.

 

 “Oh man.” Ryan blinks a few times. He holds a hand up to rub his chest, “That feeling dude.”

 

“Happy?” Michael asks. He puts one of his hands back on Talan’s blanket.

 

“Yeah like.” Ryan strokes the baby’s cheek with the back of his finger and only stops staring at him to look back at Michael, “His eyes are like… crazy blue.”

  

 “He looks like you.”

 

“Kinda.”  Ryan says tentatively, “Like his lips maybe but he could-”

 

“No Ry, look.” Michael pushes the hat off the baby’s head, revealing white-blonde curls “This one’s yours. He’s all you.”

 

 “That’s crazy.” Ryan rubs his palm over the baby’s hair, “Dev had hair like that.”

 

“The nurse said he has more hair than any blond baby she ever saw, like I guess they’re usually bald but-”

 

“Not him.” Ryan laughs and puts the hat back on the baby’s head, “He’s huge, like he’s…”

 

“Twelve four so three Olivers.” Michael agrees, “I don’t think he’ll like us if we take him out of his blankets but he’s so chubby. He has rolls.” Michael tugs at the blanket until one of Talan’s arms is free.

 

“Don’t call him fat.” Ryan tries to wrap the baby’s arms back in the blanket, “Yeah dude hi I’m trying to keep you warm… you got your whole life to hold my hand. Just… Hi.” Ryan fist bumps Talan carefully.

 

“I’m sure that’s what he wanted Ry.” Michael rolls his eyes, “To fist bump you.”

 

“He has swag, don’t be jealous.” Ryan manages to tuck Talan’s arm back into the blanket, “He looks hungry.”

 

*

 

Ryan feeds Talan his first bottle. He sits shirtless holding Talan against his chest. Michael sits on the armrest of the chair, leaning against Ryan’s side. He fixes the flannel blanket the nurse had put over Talan to make sure it covers Ryan too.

 

“Afraid’s someone’s gonna like what they see?” Ryan jokes.

 

“It’s cold.” Michael explains not wanting to admit that nurses had started to come in way more frequently once Ryan’s shirt has come off.

 

“He’s pounding this bottle.” Ryan says, “He might finish the whole thing. Wanna switch?”

 

“I’ll hold him once he’s done eating. He frowns when you move him.”

 

“You got nothing to be sad about Baby.” Ryan tells Talan, “You have a brother and we’re gonna take you home where there’s dogs and gators and your grandma is holding thanksgiving until we get back to Florida. Thanksgiving’s the best.” Talan spits out the bottle and Ryan waits to see if he’ll take it again.  “I think he’s really excited about Thanksgiving.” Ryan explains to Michael.

 

“Yeah I see that.” Michael rubs his hand up and down Ryan’s arm, enjoying how happy Ryan is. How he’s missed his nonsense talk.

 

“Jeah Thanksgiving!” Ryan raises one of Talan’s little arms up in victory, “Your grandma's gonna go crazy for you Turkey".

 

"Turkey?" Michael says. He frees Talan's arms from Ryan’s fingers and tucks it back under the blanket.

 

"Yeah, I don't know like it's his birthday and Thanksgiving. What've you been calling him?"

 

"Pal?" Michael answers, “Talan.”

 

"Kinda lame."

 

"You can't nickname him turkey when he's in coll-"

 

"Nah,” Ryan hands the empty bottle to Michael and props Talan up against his shoulder, “This one's never leaving.”

 

**Talan is three months when Brayden is born.**

 

Ryan and Michael sit in the waiting room until Devon walks in with a surgical mask still hanging half off his face, he holds his first baby and grins at all of them. Ryan tells him their dad would have been proud.

 

Talan and Brady are nap buddies from the start; they share the same playpen during Sunday night dinners and the same cribs on weekends at the beach. They babble back and forth to each other and Ryan and Devon swear that it’s not just baby noises but that they’re talking for real, like about life.

 

Brady starts reaching for toys before Talan.

 

When Talan still doesn’t seem to notice things around him they bring it up at one of his checkups. Their pediatrician tells them that Talan might just be taking his time. She tells them that all babies are different and that they all develop at their own pace. Talan’s healthy and happy. He sleeps through the night and eats well and everything else about him is fine. She tells them to wait until his next checkup.

 

Other people notice though and other people aren’t as tactful or as understanding.  A lady at the grocery store waves at Talan and when he doesn’t wave back at her, she tells Michael that her son behaved the same way before he was diagnosed with autism. At one of Oliver’s playdate, a mother tells Ryan that Talan might be deaf. She makes a loud noise right next to Talan’s ear and scares him.

 

During mothers’ day brunch, Ryan’s great aunt tells them to have Talan tested because he might be retarded. Ryan gets up from the table, picks Talan out of his high chair and walks away.

 

Devon goes after him. He walks out to the beach and sits down in the sand next to Ryan. He hands Ryan a beer before he props Brady up against his chest. Talan sits in the sand leaning back against Ryan’s leg. He grabs handfuls of sand and lets it trickle out of his fingers.

 

“She’s old Ry.” Devon tries to excuse their great aunt, “Tal’s not- he’s fine look he’s like pushing against the sand tryna crawl.”

 

Ryan shakes his head, “Something’s not right” He says after a while, “Like his eyes aren’t always like… going the same way and he can’t reach for things you hold a toy in front of him and he misses. He gets mad as hell.”

 

“Charlie said.” Devon starts cautiously, bringing in his girlfriend’s opinion, “That like… if it’s just his eyes dude it’s not a big deal. They fix ‘em with lasers and they don’t cut into him. She’s a nurse so she knows.”

 

“Cut into him?”

 

“Bro you know what I mean.” Devon reaches over to rub Talan’s back, “Tal knows I love him right buddy? You got my name. I got your back.”

 

Talan turns his whole body around but his eyes focus somewhere beyond Devon. He loses his balance and falls sideways against Ryan’s leg.

 

“Go before his checkup,” Devon sits Brady down on the sand, “like you guys can get him the best people and he’ll be okay-”

 

“He is okay.” Ryan argues, he tips Talan back up to sitting.

 

“I’m just trying to help Ry.” Devon pleads because the last thing he wants is to have Ryan mad at him. “You’d do the same for Brady… Come on.”

 

“I just want people to stop tellin’ me what’s wrong with my kid.” Ryan pleads, “Like he can hear all this shit. He’s a baby and people are saying he’s stupid-”

 

“No one’s saying that Ry.” Devon rubs Ryan’s shoulder, “Dude he talks to Brady, he like sits up and stuff. He’s a good guy.”

 

“I don’t want that to be for him you know?” Ryan picks up Tal and brushes sand off of him before he stands. I had people say I’m stupid all the-”

 

“Me too Ry. Dude our kids are awesome. Stay. Come on.” Devon tugs at Ryan’s hand, “We never get to hang out.”

 

“I’m not mad at you.” Ryan kisses Tal’s face, “I just love him and like it’s my fault if something’s wrong.”

 

“It’s not your fault.” Devon tugs on Ryan’s shorts trying to get him to sit back down, “Come on. Stay here. Gimme Tal.”

 

Once he’s sitting on Devon’s lap close to Brady, Talan reaches out for his face and laughs when Devon pretends to eat his hand. He laughs again when Devon offers his hand to Brady.

 

“See dude. He’s happy.”  Devon says, “We love him. He knows it. He’s gonna be okay.”

 

*

 

Despite Devon’s reassurance, Ryan can’t sleep. He gets out of bed and paces the hallway of the second floor. He checks in on Oliver before going into the nursery. Talan sleeps with his blanket tucked up to his waist and with one of his little hands curled against his face. Ryan picks him up and sits with him in the rocking chair.

 

Michael walks into the room twenty minutes later.

 

“I woke up and you weren’t there.” Michael yawns, “Did he wake up?”

 

“No.” Ryan says, “I couldn’t sleep.”

 

“What your aunt said isn’t true Ry. Tal’s fine.” Michael sits on the floor by the rocking chair and stretches out his legs he wraps one of his hands around his right foot.

 

“He’s not though.” Ryan admits, “My DNA fucked up.”

 

“If something’s wrong it’s not your fault.” Michael sighs.

 

“Charlie said he could have problems seeing. Like his eyes.”

 

“Then we get him checked out.” Michael says, “Whatever they find wrong we fix, I don’t care where we have to go. If it’s some witch magic in-”

 

“What if it’s really wrong?” Ryan purses his lips together. “I can’t.”

 

“Come back to bed Ry.” Michael urges, “Bring Tal.”

 

With Tal sleeping between them in bed they agree to call their doctor in the morning. She gets them an appointment the next day and by the afternoon they’re driving the two hours to Gainesville to see an eye specialist.

 

They see three more specialists before they agree to surgery and consult with just as many surgeons before deciding to bring Talan to the children’s hospital at the University of Michigan. Not because it’s where Michael went to school but because they have the best doctors.

 

Talan hates his snowsuit, his mittens, his hat and the cold. He screams so loud when they try to get him dressed that they worry they’ve hurt him.

 

It’s an outpatient procedure and on the morning of his eye surgery Talan babbles happily to the both of them while they read through his intake forms. He sits on the exam table and eats his toes while the nurse takes his vitals. He tries to blow kisses at her while she takes his temperature.

 

“He’s gonna be okay right?” Ryan asks the nurse before signing off on the last page. “Like you’re gonna take care of him?” He clears his throat and his next words sound choked, “If he’s scared?”

 

“One of you can be in there with him until he’s asleep, you can hold him.” The nurse puts her hand over Ryan’s, “He’s going to see you when he falls asleep and you’ll be holding him when he wakes up. He’ll feel safe.”  

 

Michael has a hard time signing the consent forms with Talan in his arms. He can’t sign off on the possibility of Talan being blind or Talan not making it- he can’t even think about it… Not while Talan is pressing both his little hands against his face, smushing his cheeks together.

 

He knows the logic, he knows it’s not an invasive procedure, he knows Talan will be asleep, he knows it’ll only take two hours but he can’t sign off on anything bad happening. He looks up at Ryan pleading for help.

 

“We gotta.” Ryan says but he doesn’t sound convinced either, “Like or he won’t see and once he’s older it’s worse. We trust them.”

 

“I don’t trust anyone.” Michael shakes his head and kisses Talan’s face. “If something happens I just…”

 

“Nothing’s gonna happen.” Ryan says, “Dude you can’t because I can’t. We have to be together for this. Nothing’s gonna happen. We’re gonna be home with him in like… By dinner. He’s gonna fight us on the snowsuit like a punk.”

 

Talan squints up at Michael and tilts his head. The squinting makes worry lines in his forehead and Michael kisses them away.

 

“I believe you Doggy.” Michael signs the last line.

 

Ryan carries Talan to the operating room and holds him until the anesthesia kicks in. He strokes his face and tries to recite Talan’s favourite dog book by heart while Talan falls asleep. The nurse who escorts him back to their assigned waiting room assures him he’s in the best hands possible. She rubs his back and hands him a handful of Kleenex when he starts to cry. He’s a mess by the time he finds Michael.

 

It’s the longest two hours of their lives. 

 

When his surgery is over, the same nurse who’d walked to the waiting room with Ryan leads both of them to a recovery room. Another nurse brings them Talan and hands him off to Michael before running back to get a warm blanket.

 

Talan wakes up cranky and hungry but everything is okay.

 

Two days later Talan is crawling between them on their hotel room bed when he stops and reaches out for Michael’s glasses. He gets his hand around the frame on his first try and pulls them off Michael’s face with a fit of baby giggles. He waves them in front of him clearly very proud of himself. When Ryan hands him a toy in exchange for the glasses Talan grabs it on the first try.  

**Talan is four…**

 

Ryan wakes up in the middle of the night when he hears footsteps going down the stairs. Still in bed, he makes out Talan’s voice calling out for one of the dogs.

 

Ryan turns to look at the time and groans when his phone flashes 3 am. He throws his blankets over Michael, puts a t-shirt on and leaves in pursuit of his youngest son. On his way down the hall he hears fireworks going off in the distance.  

 

Talan’s stuffed turtle is on the floor by the top of the stairs. His socks are on the third step from the bottom and his pajama top is in the hallway by the kitchen. Ryan picks it all up as he walks by.

 

They have nightlights in about every available power outlet but Ryan still hears Talan before he sees him.

 

“S’just loud.” Talan’s voice rings out from their living room, “S’not gonna hurt you.”

 

Ryan doesn’t bother opening the lights, he leans against the door frame and observes. Talan is flat on his stomach on the floor with one of his arms reaching under the couch.

 

“Cah-ter.” Talan says and Ryan can almost see him frown, “You sleep in my bed. Not under the couch.”

 

“Hey Baby.” Ryan says quietly trying not to scare him, “Why’re you outta bed?”

 

“Cah-ter won’t come out.” Talan says not getting up, one arm still lost under the couch. “The bangs scare him.”

 

“Carter’s afraid of fireworks.” Ryan sits down on their coffee table and rubs Talan’s back, “How about we go back to bed? Carter’s okay there. Let’s put your shirt back on.”

 

“Cah-ter sleeps with me.” Talan argues, he cranes his neck to look at Ryan, “In my bed.”

 

“Baby.” It’s too early to try and fight against four-year-old logic, “We’re going back to bed.”

 

“You bring him.” Talan challenges, “Cah-ter listens to you.”

 

Ryan finds himself, on all fours, on the floor of their living room, at three o’clock in the morning staring under the couch at Carter’s sleeping face. Talan has a death grip on one of his paws and Ryan wants to show this scene to everyone’s who’d ever told him it was a bad idea to have a Doberman in a house with kids.

 

“I’m not carrying Carter up to bed. He likes sleeping under the couch.”  

 

Talan props his chin against the hardwood floor and stares at Ryan like Ryan doesn’t understand anything. He lets out an exasperated sigh and tugs on Carter’s paw again. Carter turns his head to lick Talan’s hand.

 

“Stella sleeps with Owiver.” Talan recites to Ryan, “Herman sleeps with daddy, Cah-ter sleeps with me. It’s what’s fair.”

 

Ryan has no idea where Talan gets these lines and usually they crack him up but at three in the morning there’s nothing funny about them.

 

“We’re going to bed come on.” Ryan tries to tug Talan’s arm away from Carter.

 

“No thank you.” Talan locks his elbow, “I need Cah-ter.”

  

“Talan.” Ryan says in his no-nonsense voice, “Carter’s not coming out from under the couch it’s where he hides when he’s scared. It’s where he feels safe.”

 

“He keeps me safe!” Talan argues, “He’s my buddy.”

 

“Dude.” Ryan groans because all he wants to do is go back to bed, “You’re busting my-”

 

Another bunch of fireworks go off and Ryan is seriously ready to go bust some college kids’ good times. Carter just whines.

 

“S’ok Cah-ter.” Talan pushes his arm further under the couch to reach Carter’s head, “I keep you safe.”

 

Ryan sighs in resignation. He gets up, picks up one end of the couch and moves it off Carter.

 

“Up.” He tells the dog, “Come on. You too Tal. Bed. Now.”

 

Tal slips his fingers under Carter’s collar and walks along with him. He holds onto him as he walks up the stairs and Carter walks slowly so Talan can keep up. When they get to the top of the stairs Talan reaches out for Ryan with his other hand.

 

“Alright, get in.” Ryan pulls back Talan’s blanket and tucks him in.  He pats the spot next to Talan and Carter jumps up. Talan wraps both his arms around the dog’s neck.

 

“Night Baby.” Ryan kisses Talan, “I love you, sleep tight.”

 

“Stay.” Talan asks. He reaches up for Ryan “Until I’m sleeping.”

 

**Talan is fifteen…**

 

Ryan looks through his credit card statement and finds a charge for a one-way ticket to Hawaii on a weekend when Oliver has a swim meet in Texas. Puzzled, he checks his schedule but finds no meetings. He calls his assistant who is as confused about the ticket as he is but she finds the confirmation number and emails it to him.

 

When Ryan searches the airline’s website he finds that the ticket has been issued not to him and not to Michael but to Mr. Talan Phelps-Lochte.

 

It takes Ryan a minute to process the information and then a few more to try and figure out Tal’s master plan. They’ve never been to Hawaii. They have no family or close friends there. There’s no charge on the card for a hotel and Talan can’t drive. Ryan knows that there’s no way Talan has more than fifty dollars to his name, fifty five if he bothered to gather the crumpled dollar bills in all of his school uniform pants pocket.

 

The ticket is for a month from now and that kind of planning is definitely out of character for Talan who can usually barely handle thinking about what he wants to eat for breakfast the next day. The intiative behind a plan to run away to Hawaii is also un-Talan like, most of the time Talan can’t even be bothered to storm to his room when he’s angry.

 

Oliver is at practice and Talan is out at the beach with Brady. Ryan wanders through their house looking for Michael. He checks the safe in Michael’s office to make sure Talan’s passport is still there before he ventures out to the backyard.

 

Michael is skimming leaves out of the pool and checking the temperature of their hot tub. He smiles when he sees Ryan.

 

“Coming in?” Michael asks, “Ols won’t be back until we got get him. Tal’s going out with Brady…”

 

 “I think Baby’s planning on running away.” Ryan says even though he’s not sure that’s the final plan. “Or he-”

 

“What?”

 

“Talan.” Ryan holds up the printout, “He bought a plane ticket to Hawaii.”

 

“For when.”

 

“In like a month?”

 

“Talan?”

 

“Yes Talan.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“I mean it could be our other kid named Talan.” Ryan rolls his eyes. He dips his foot in the hot tub to test the water and he suddenly doesn’t want to talk about Tal’s dumb decisions anymore.

 

“Hawaii?” Michael asks puzzled, “Why Hawaii?”

 

“I dunno.” Ryan shrugs, “It’s Tal.”

 

Ryan sits on one of their pool chairs; part of the mattress is melted and fused to the chair, an accident from their last bonfire. Now that he thinks about it, everything in their backyard is kind of destroyed.

 

“Ols has a meet that weekend.” Ryan adds, “In Texas.”  

 

“If Tal wants to go to Hawaii he could just tell us… Like we’d take him.” Michael sits down on the chair next to Ryan’s, “You think it’s about Ols?”

 

“Maybe.” Ryan admits, “We’ve been like gone a lot. Maybe he doesn’t wanna go to Texas.”

 

“He can’t drive though.” Michael says puzzled, “What’s his plan?”

 

“It’s Talan.” Ryan reminds him, “He don’t got one.”

 

*

 

They decide to talk to him after dinner.

 

“Tal.” Michael calls for Talan to stay after he’s put his plate in the sink, “Stay here for a few your dad and I want to talk to you.”

 

“Um okay…” Talan picks up his dog and sits back in his chair, “M’I in trouble?”

 

“No, we just want to… You know what let’s wait for your dad.” Michael reaches for the bag of Oreos in the cupboard and offers it to Talan, “Want a cookie?”

 

“No I’m good thanks.” Talan looks skeptical, “Did like my teacher call or something because I swear I had my homework it was just in the car and I got to-”

 

“No one called. It’s Saturday. Relax Baby.” Michael puts the Oreos on the table anyways and grabs one before sitting down.

 

“Oh god.” Talan looks at him wide eyed, “Is this the sex talk… Is dad getting the… I just I promise I ain’t gonna… Oliver already said he… No.” Talan gets up and his dog jumps off his lap, “No thank you.”

 

“It’s not the sex talk relax.” Ryan walks back into the kitchen, “But don’t listen to anything Oliver says. Sit.”

 

Talan sits and looks at both of them expectantly, he’s sunburnt from the beach and his hair is sticking up everywhere, he’s still wearing board shorts and Michael can see the pale scar from the last time Talan had to get stitches.

 

“Want to explain this to me?” Ryan shows Talan the e-ticket.

 

“What’s that?” Talan squints at the screen, “I don’t know.” He looks up puzzled, “I don’t know what that is?”

 

“It’s a plane ticket.” Ryan prompts.  

 

“Okay? Are we going somewhere?”

 

“Are you?”

 

Talan looks at Ryan puzzled before looking at Michael for help.“I seriously don’t get it.” Talan blinks at them. He runs a hand through his hair making it even crazier than before, “Can you just tell me?” He pleads.

 

 “You bought a plane ticket to Hawaii Talan?” Ryan reminds him. “With my credit card.”

“Oh.” Tal’s eyes go wide, “That.”

 

“Yeah.” Ryan nods, “That.”

 

“What’s going on Tal?” Michael takes the more gentle approach since Ryan clearly has the bad cop thing down path for the moment. “This isn’t just something we can ignore. We’re worried.”

 

“Ok so.” Talan deflates. He grabs an oreo and twists it open. He peels the filling off the cookie with his thumb and rolls it into a ball against the table.

 

“What Tal? We just want to know.” Michael urges.

 

“I got this… thing but it’s stupid.” Talan blurts out without looking at them, “and I wasn’t gonna say nothing cause like I don’t even know if I should go but it’s kinda big I guess… If I was good or whatever but it’s just luck so I don’t even… Like I didn’t earn it they just picked my name and it’s dumb.” Talan pops the ball of oreo filling into his mouth.

 

It takes Michael a second to catch up on what Talan’s just said and he realizes that Talan’s said nothing.

 

“What did you get?” Ryan is quicker to answer because he speaks fluent Talan.

 

“There’s this surfing competition.” Talan says with his mouth full, “It’s like huge like the biggest. They give wildcard spots so I tried to get one an I did.”

 

“You’re not running away?” Michael asks relieved.

 

“No what?” Talan looks at Michael puzzled, he reaches for another cookie, ignoring the two halves still in front of him on the table. “I got like… excited and I wanted to check. Dad’s info was in the boxes so when I clicked the button it like went through… I was gonna tell you but then I had school and practice and I forgot. I wasn’t gonna go. By myself… C’mon” He laughs. “How would I get anywhere? You’d know I was gone right away.”

 

“You weren’t gonna tell us you got a spot?” Ryan reaches for an Oreo too. He splits it in half with his thumb and hands the half without filling to Michael.

 

“No it’s stupid like… I may not even ride it’s the fill list I think… You got Ols’ stuff and-” He just shrugs, “It’s stupid.”

 

“It’s not stupid.” Ryan reassures. “D’you have the email?”

 

It takes Talan ten minutes to find the paper; he digs it out from the bottom of his backpack. The sheet is crumpled and Talan’s covered it with doodles. There’s a phone number at the top of the page that’s written in something that definitely isn’t Talan’s handwriting.

 

“Did you read this all the way Tal?” Ryan skims the letter before handing it off to Michael.  

“No.” Talan admits, “Just like the first bit then I got excited. Then I like remembered Ols so… It’s okay… I’m not that good anyways it’s-”

 

“It’s not…” Michael reads the letter over quickly to make sure he’s getting it right, “You have a spot Tal, you’re not just an alternate. There’s a junior competition and you’re in.”

 

“No way.” Talan takes the paper from Michael, “Dude that’s cool.”

 

“Did you think.” Ryan says carefully, “That we wouldn’t go because of Oliver.”

 

“I wasn’t like mad.” Talan shrugs, “I get that like it’s big for him so it’s okay. Like I understand.”

 

“Do you want to go?” Michael asks.

 

Talan considers them for a bit before he bites his lip and nods.

 

“Yeah.” He says, “Like really bad.”

 

*

 

Ryan and Michael decide to go to Hawaii with Talan while Oliver goes to Texas with Devon.

 

They spend the days before the competitions attending riders’ meetings with Talan. They go out to dinner with other surfers and Talan excitedly points out people Michael’s never seen or heard of before. Tal introduces them excitedly not noticing that his heroes already know who is dads are. Tal gets a numbered rash guard shirt to wear and a schedule to follow.

 

Their rented house quickly fills up with gifts Talan gets from sponsors.  It’s surreal to watch him being interviewed and photographed. On their first morning out at the beach, a photographer runs out of the water to go sit beside Michael and Ryan on the beach, he flips through the shots he’d just taken of Tal and asks their permission to publish them to his website.

 

Talan wears a neon green wet suit while he competes, he jokes that it’s so they can see him in the ocean but Michael feels better knowing their kid is fluorescent. He figures that if Talan needs help, no one will be able to miss him. They both like to see Talan, the kid who’d refused to willingly get into a pool until he was four, swim out into the waves.  Talan is without a doubt the strongest swimmer in the lineup and it makes every single lap they’ve made him swim to prepare for this worth it. Michael’s sure they’re the only parents to ever make a surfer swim laps before going to the beach. He doubts Talan will ever forgive them for making him swim laps in the ocean.

 

There are girls on the beach watching the competitions. During the junior heats the crowd at the beach starts to look like the audience of a boy band concert. Girls mob around the surfers until security has to escort them from the ocean to the competitors’ area.

“This can’t be good for anything.” Ryan shakes his head as he watches Tal lean over a barrier to sign a girl’s bare back. “Is he allowed to talk to girls? Did we make that rule?”

 

“We didn’t think he would talk to girls.” Michael groans, “We were wrong.”

 

On their third night in Hawaii, Talan goes out for dinner without them.  After he’s delivered back to them with lipstick on his face, they decide it’s time to give him The Talk.

 

“You can teach me butterfly.” Talan offers as a bribe to Michael once Ryan starts talking about condoms, “Right now. Let’s go.”   

 

Michael almost takes him up on it.

 

*

Talan plays basketball; they’ve watched him play in a team since he was five. Watching him compete alone is completely different.

 

Ryan catches a glimpse of Talan warming up before his heat; skipping rope on the sand. He sees him fix the neck of his wetsuit and stretch while holding on to his surfboards. Ryan’s never seen Talan focus this hard on anything.

 

“How are these things scored?” Michael asks Ryan as they sit down in the area marked off for family.

 

“I have no idea.” Ryan admits.

 

“You surfed.” Michael argues.

 

“I got high on the beach before school.” Ryan laughs, “Big difference.”

 

*

 

When Tal is on the podium someone hands him a bottle of champagne. Michael has a fleeting moment of worry before a woman in a bikini holding a clipboard leans in closer to him.

 

“It’s sparkling apple juice.” She laughs, “Just so they have something to celebrate with too. Makes them feel like grown-ups.”

 

None of the kids on the podium have any idea how to open their bottle and the tour champion has to step up to show them. Ten minutes later Talan is covered in apple juice but grinning from ear to ear. Michael and Ryan have cards and phone numbers from the team managers of about ten different companies in their pockets. They have invitations from pro surfers to come back to Hawaii or to Costa Rica or to Australia for vacations, places that Tal woud love to surf.

 

All the finalists are given ti leaf lei’s and Talan wears his for the rest of the day. He puts it back on after he changes out of his wet suit and showers to get rid of the apple juice. He wears it in all the pictures with his trophy and out to dinner. After dinner, once they’re back in the house Talan keeps it on while he watches tv with his head hanging off the sofa. The lei keeps sliding down his chest and falling on his face.

 

“Tal take it off.” Michael says, “Hang it up if you want it to dry.”

 

“No I’m good.” Talan smiles and turns back towards the tv. “I like it.”

 

Michael watches Talan twist the leaves around his fingers and all he can think about is how Ryan had refused to take off his laurel wreath in Athens.

 

**Talan is seventeen…**

 

“It’s happened before.” Michael admits to the cardiologist standing by his bed. He avoids Ryan’s glance as he keeps talking, “Mostly when I work out… I got sharp pains but they went away and I just shrugged them off I guess.”

 

“Alright,” The cardiologist takes notes, “We’ll keep you overnight for observation and we’ll look at everything once the test results are back but for right now you’re in great shape and this course of action should-” He keeps talking but all Michael can do is steal a glance at Ryan.

 

“If you experience any other pain, tell the nurses.” The cardiologist shakes Ryan’s hand before reaching for Michael’s “Don’t ignore it this time. I will see you tomorrow.”  

 

Once he leaves the silence in the room is deafening. Michael wants to shut off the heart monitor because the beeping is slowly driving him insane. Ryan paces at the foot of his bed with his jaw set, he doesn’t look up or try to talk. Michael watches him clench and unclench his fists.

 

“Really Mike?” Ryan says finally. He sits down on the edge of the window.

 

They’ve been in the hospital since the morning. Ryan had driven him to the ER after Michael had found himself on the floor of their kitchen out of breath with chest pains that wouldn’t go away. He’d spent most of the afternoon going through tests. Ryan had spent most of the day waiting.

 

Michael knows he should have told Ryan about the chest pain sooner, he knows he should have gone to his doctor but in a summer filled with a trip to China and getting Talan ready for college he’d just put it aside.

 

"You have chest pains you fucking tell someone."

 

“I did. We’re here-”

 

“No. No.” Ryan’s voice gets rough, “I thought you were dying.”

 

“I wasn’t. I’m not. I’m good. They said it wasn’t even a heart attack it was-”

“You think the boys don’t need you?” Ryan wants to yell but doesn’t want to alarm the nurses, “You think I don’t need you? This isn’t part of our deal yeah?”

 

“It happened and it went away Ry, like…” Michael rubs at his chest remembering the pain, “I thought maybe I hurt my shoulder… I didn’t know. I don’t want to leave you or the dudes, god.”   

 

"So you were fine leaving me and Ols and Tal without you?” Ryan’s voice shakes,  “You were good with missing out on like their lives.”

 

"Ok Ryan that's-"

 

“They're both about to be adults and have their own lives where the fuck does that leave me without you. You selfish-”

 

"Yeah?” Michael’s had about enough, “When's the last time you had yourself screened for cancer?"

 

"This isn't about-" Ryan stops ranting, “What?”

 

"What did they say? Every year? How many years has it been since you went in and said: 'my dad died of this and I don't want to.'"

 

"I'm not the one in the hospital bed so-"

 

"That's got nothing to do with it Ry. I fucked up okay, I didn't want to worry you guys but they got it before it was bad. I'm not going to die okay. I have to take Aspirin. Aspirin.” He repeats for emphasis.

 

Ryan leans his head back until it thuds against the window.

 

“I’m sorry.” Michael says, “I love you.”

 

“Yeah I’m sorry too.” Ryan stares at the ceiling.

 

“And you what?”

 

Ryan slowly tips his head back to look at Michael instead of the ceiling. He’s in sweatpants and a Harvard Dad t-shirt with paint splattered across the back. He’s wearing mismatched flip-flops and if it hadn’t been to save his life, Michael would laugh at him for leaving the house like this.

 

“I love you.” Ryan says. “Don’t do that again yeah?”

 

“Yeah.” Michael agrees, “Thanks for-”

 

“Don’t worry about it.” Ryan props his foot up against Michael’s bed, “Want me to go get you food?”

 

“You should go eat.” Michael answers because he’s not hungry but he feels bad that Ryan probably hasn’t eaten yet, “You don’t have to stay you can go home. It’s late.”

 

“I have to call the dudes.” Ryan groans and he looks pained, “I gotta call ‘em to say you’re in the hospital.”

 

"No Ry, don't." Michael hates seeing Ryan be worried but he can’t handle his kids being worried too, “They’re both not here-” 

 

Ryan dials for Oliver before Michael can finish his sentence. The phone rings and Oliver doesn’t answer. Ryan sighs and goes back to staring at the ceiling.

 

“He’s in New York Ry, you know he wasn’t gonna ans-”

 

“Hi Oliver.” Ryan’s voice is cool, “It’s Friday about eight, I need you to call me back when you get this. It’s important.” His voice softens, “Call us back Oliver. We love you.”

 

Ryan hangs up and hesitates before calling Tal.

 

“Don’t call Talan Ry.” Michael says from the bed. “He’s just going to worry. I don’t want him-”

Ryan holds a hand up to shush him.

 

“Ry. It’s late.” Michael talks anyways, “I don’t want him driving here in the dark. He’s not going to check his phone right away he’s still at practice.”

 

“He turns on ESPN and he reads it on the ticker.” Ryan explains as he holds one finger up “They announce it,” two fingers, “another kid hears it and tells him.” Three fingers, “You’d rather that happen? I don’t want him to drive here either Mike but I don’t want him to hear it from someone else.”

 

“Hey Baby.” Ryan says when Talan’s voicemails kicks in, “"It’s like… Eight for us here... We want to hear how your practice went. We're going to be up for awhile so call us back. I need to talk to you. Call us back."

 

Talan calls back ten minutes later and Ryan answers before the first ring ends.

 

“I was with the team-” Talan says out of breath, “after practice an someone asked me how I could be there with dad in the hospital? What’s going on I gotta… I’m tryin’ to get out of… I’m driving as soon as I can like-”

 

“No Tal. No.” Ryan gets up from the window ledge, “Your dad’s okay.”

 

“ESPN said he had a heart attack. Check it.” Talan insists.

“He didn’t have a heart attack. He’s going home tomorrow. Calm down Talan.” Ryan puts him on speaker and drops the phone back on Michael’s bed.

 

“ESPN said-” Talan argues.

 

“And I say-” Ryan can’t believe he has to fight against ESPN.

 

“ESPN Dad!”

 

“Talan.” Michael calls out, “I didn’t have a heart attack. We’re not lying to you. Where are you?”

 

“My dorm.” Talan answers, “I’m getting my keys an I’m-”

 

“No Talan.” Ryan sighs, “We just didn’t want you to hear it from someone else. You’re better at school. Stay there.”

 

“If you want drive home tomorrow morning, we’ll be home then.” Michael adds, “I’ll feel better if you stay at school.”

 

“Dads I gotta come.” Talan pleads.  He shoves three still cellophane wrapped textbooks off his dorm room desk looking for his keys, “Where are you?”

 

“You’re not driving over tonight Talan.” Ryan says in the firmest tone he can conjure, “You can come home tomorrow and stay the weekend but you’re staying at school tonight.”

 

 “What was that noise? Are you okay?” Michael asks

 

“Books. Yes. No.” Talan answers all their questions, “You’re telling me the truth?”

 

“We’re telling you the truth Baby.” Ryan reassures, “Your dad’s heart was beating weird for a bit but he’s okay now. We’ve been here since this morning and we’re both just going to sleep.”

“I can bring you food.” Talan offers.

 

“Your dad needs to sleep.” Ryan tells him, “I don’t want him worrying about you driving in the dark. You’re going to sleep at school. Got it?”

 

“Dad you’re okay?”

 

“I’m okay. How was practice Pal? You didn’t call us this week.” Michael’s glad to hear Talan’s voice. Hospital or not they miss the kid hard.

 

“Yeah I was busy… I’m sorry, Practice was alright.” Talan stops looking for his keys and sits on his bed, he wishes his roommate was there. “I might start for our first game. You gonna come?”

 

They keep Tal on the line for half an hour, until he seems calm and until they’re both convinced he won’t leave Gainesville.

 

Michael sends Ryan home an hour after Talan hangs up. Someone needs to go feed and walk the dogs. Michael tells Ryan that he’s already spent enough nights in bad hospital chairs and urges him to just go home and sleep. Ryan agrees to go take care of the dogs but insists on coming back.

Once Ryan’s left, Michael calls Oliver and leaves another message. He calls Talan who doesn’t answer either but whose voicemail is full. Michael hopes that Oliver is safe wherever he is in New York and that Talan is sleeping in his dorm and not driving through Florida in the dark.

 

He fights to stay awake until Ryan comes back but the medication they have him on wins out.

Michael wakes up with a start a few hours later. He forgets where he is and instinctively turns left to reach for Ryan but his hand only grasps the plastic railing of the bed. He opens his eyes, drags a hand over his face and sighs. When he turns to be on his back again, a hand closes around his leg.

 

Michael expects Ryan but when he reaches to move the hand off his leg he sees Talan. Talan is asleep with his head against Michael’s mattress. He’s hunched over and about to fall off his chair. His car keys are still in his hand.

 

Michael carefully takes the car keys out of Talan’s hand. He places them on the table next to his bed and reaches for his phone; he dials home.

 

It takes a few rings for Ryan to answer and when he does he still sounds half asleep.

 

“Ry?” Michael talks quietly to not wake up Talan. He moves his legs to give him more room.

 

“What’s wrong?” Ryan asks instead of greeting him, “Fuck I fell asleep, I’m sorry.”

 

“Tal’s here.” Michael whispers, “He’s sleeping, I don’t want him to drive home. Can you come get him?”

 

“That punk.” Ryan says through a yawn, “I’m on my way.”

 

Ryan hangs up without saying bye and Michael is left listening to the dial tone. He hangs up and finds Talan awake.    

 

“We told you not to drive.” Michael palms the back of Talan’s head to rub his hair, “How long have you been here?”

 

“Dunno.” Talan mumbles, he sits up and stretches, “You were asleep. The nurse said I could stay”

 

“We told you to stay at school.” Michael reminds him.

Talan shrugs. He cracks his back and shoves his hair off his face.

 

“You had a good practice?” Michael sits up trying to make it seem normal. Like it’s a regular thing to be talking basketball at three in the morning in the cardiac unit of a hospital.

 

“Not really.” Talan shakes his head. He presses the controls of Michael’s bed until the head is raised all the way.

 

“Thanks Baby.”

 

“I’m kind of an expert.” Talan leans sideways on his chair and yawns, “What happened dad?”

 

“Nothing Talan.” Michael insists, “We told you everything. My chest hurt so your dad drove me to the hospital.”  

 

“If you missed me so bad all ya hadta do was call.” Tal looks at him, “Not have a heart attack.”

 

“It wasn’t a heart attack Tal.” Michael reassures, “I’m okay.”

 

Talan doesn’t look like he believes him. He yawns again and leans his head back against the mattress. Michael takes one of his pillows and gives it to him.

 

“Are you okay Baby?” Michael asks because Talan doesn’t just look tired. He looks like he’s lost weight and there’s something about the look in his eyes that’s definitely un-Talan like.

 

“Yeah.” Talan nods, “Tired driving in the dark sucks for my eyes.” He takes off his glasses and squints a few times before putting them back on, “I think I need a new script.”

 

“Your dad’s on his way to get you.”

 

“I’m good here.”

 

“You’re not sleeping here.” Michael tells him, “Dad will take you home. Can you stay for the weekend?”

 

“I have to call the coach but yeah.” Talan bites at his lip, “I can…”

 

“You sure you’re okay Pal?” Michael knows it’s probably just because Tal’s worried but he can’t shake off the feeling that something’s not right.

 

They’d wanted Tal to take a gap year. They’d offered to send him to Hawaii to surf or anywhere he wanted to go but Tal had insisted on going to school. They drive down to Gainesville every week to bring him back home for the weekend but now that practice has started Tal has to spend more time at school and less time with them at home. They worry constantly because Talan still seems young to be living away from home.

“Yeah. I was just worried like… about this…” Talan interrupts Michael’s thoughts. He plays with the edge of the blanket, “You should get Dad to bring you good ones… Like when you brought me my pillows an stuff.”

 

“I’m going home in the morning.” Michael reminds him, “I don’t need blankets.”

 

Talan raises his eyebrow and shakes his head skeptically, it’s a Ryan look he gives deadpan and no matter how serious he looks it always makes Michael want to laugh. Talan yawns and closes his eyes, it’s the first time Michael notices that someone’s brought Tal a blanket.

 

“You look worn out.” Michael tells him. He brushes his hand against the hair Tal had cut short right before leaving for school, “Have you had panic attacks?”

 

“Um no.” Talan doesn’t open his eyes. He’s quiet for a second before he looks up at Michael, “Ok yeah… Like yes.” He confesses.

 

“Did you take your meds?”

 

“Yeah.” Talan nods, “Sorry.”

 

“Don’t be sorry Tal.” Michael rubs his shoulder; he feels better getting closer to the source of Tal’s problem. “Is it basketball?”

 

Talan shrugs again.

 

“We’ll talk about it tomorrow.” Michael decides, “At home.”

 

Talan closes his eyes again, pulls the blanket over his shoulders and drags his chair closer to the bed. The only sound in the room is the beeping of the heart monitor.

 

“If I don’t wanna go back.” Talan says quietly after a few minutes, “Is it okay?”

 

“We’ll talk about it with your dad.” Michael wants to tell Talan that they can go get his things the next day if he wants to but he knows Ryan probably won’t agree. “Don’t worry Tal.”

 

“I don’t hate it.” Talan mumbles, “I just miss home.”

 

 

**Talan is twenty…**

 

He keeps the ring in his pocket while Morgan and him walk around New York City. They should both be at school. Talan’s definitely not supposed to be using his dads’ place on the Upper East Side as a vacation home but it had been a crazy idea they’d followed up on when last minute plane tickets to New York had been cheaper than going out for dinner.

 

Talan knows he wants to marry Morgan six months after they start dating. They drive up from Gainesville together after Ryan calls to tell Talan that his turtle’s passed away. Morgan listens while Talan explains that Turtle was his first friend and the one thing he could confide in as a kid. Morgan doesn’t laugh when he cries over the empty aquarium in his room.

 

Ryan and Michael have spent the last two years telling him to take a break, encouraging him to see other people and warning him to not be so serious about just one person. They give him speech after speech about being famous and being an athlete and how that means he has to be careful to not be taken advantage of.  

 

Morgan helps him study, Morgan sits with him when he has panic attacks and Morgan doesn’t care that he plays basketball. Morgan tells him when his decisions are dumb, Morgan doesn’t let him get away with anything, Morgan is the most independent and steady person he’s ever met.

 

Talan tells all of this to both Michael and Ryan while they’re on vacation. He tries really hard to not lose his temper but after their second comment about Morgan’s motives he yells that this is his life and that he’s an adult and that they can’t make him break up with someone he loves. If they don’t want Morgan and him to get married then they don’t have to come.

 

“Breathe Tal.” Michael says once Talan is done his rant, “Sit down.”

 

Talan doesn’t sit, he stares at both of them his hands still shaking from anger and waits.

 

“What’s wrong with waiting Tal?” Michael asks, “If you’re together it doesn’t matter if you’re engaged.”

 

“Did you wait?” Talan raises his eyebrows at both his dads, “D’you date other people? Cause like you guys were…”

 

“This isn’t about us Tal.” Ryan interrupts.

 

“Exactly!” Talan cries outraged, “It’s Mo and me. You say all the time people weren’t cool about you and dad and d’you listen to them? No. Why do I gotta listen to you?”

 

“Talan.” Michael tries to reason, “We just don’t want you to make your life harder than…”

 

“There’s no way.” Talan states, “That Mo makes my life harder dad. No way.”

 

Ryan and Michael agree to stop interfering with his life as long as Tal agrees to wait to propose until graduation.   Once he agrees to wait a until he’s graduated to propose, Ryan takes him to a jeweler.  The man takes a diamond out of one Ryan’s old bracelets and sets it as a ring. As he’s packing to go back to school, Talan finds the ring box on his dresser.  

 

*

 

Talan’s not close to graduation but he plans on proposing in Central Park anyways. Once Morgan and him get there he realizes just how many people are standing around and how many people would stare if he got down on one knee to propose.

 

He groans thinking that he should have done it over breakfast when it had been just the two of them in bed. He thinks that he should have done it quietly on the plane or anytime during their first night there. He thinks that he could have just reached for the ring while they were kissing in bed, happy to not be stuck in dorm rooms, and done it. Then it would have been over.

 

Once Central Park falls through, he plans on proposing at lunch because it's less predictable than dinner. He takes the ring out of the box while Morgan goes to the bathroom but an elderly couple spots him and their encouraging smiles makes him loose his courage.

 

“Are you okay?” Morgan asks sitting back down, “You look all freaked out.”

 

“No I’m good.” He lies before grabbing the check, “What d’you want to do after this?”

 

It’s the first time Morgan’s left Florida and it blows Talan’s mind because he had to get new pages sewn into his passport before he was four.

 

“Show me where you go.” Morgan requests, “When you’re here with your family.”  

 

Talan takes Morgan to the Museum of Natural History to look at the fossils. He remembers being five and too scared of the dinosaurs to look up. He remembers how his dads had given all the dinosaurs a name and a story to make them less scary. He remembers Ryan reaching over the rope to touch a bone and then lifting him up so he could to.

 

He drops to one knee in the rotunda but when he looks up Morgan is already halfway across the room. He pretends to tie his shoe before getting back up.

 

He has a million ideas of where to propose but every time Morgan smiles at him he forgets everything.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Clearly, this isn't real.


End file.
